this is the only place that i know no one will ever bother me. fuhh, happy at last. well, if i can say laa. happy. forgot already how to be happy. i miss my cheerful, glee attitude. hahaha. crazy much? i know. that's why i say i'm crazy. loony poppy. haha. oke. cut the crap. am trying to act cheerful while i write this entree. i don't have any topic. i'm a dead person. well, i just want to let everyone know that i miss them so much. all my 0711 friends. my batch mate. what a weird feelings i got here when i see their status in facebook not longer limited to 0711. what i mean is they have moved on. while i'm the only one left. everyone has met new friends. everyone. they have met new friend. i'm possessive. now i know. i don't like them to move on. i don't like them to befriend with someone else. but heyy, time change right? so do i. eventually i would change also. huhh, what a silly weird feeling i have here. :'( and i am compelled to write this here. i wish my life is a song. cause song they never die. i could write for years and years. but my life wasn't a song. it don't even have a fairy tale start and i know it won't end in a happily-ever-after ending. i'm depressed. i'm depressed. my voice is quivering. i want you. i need you. i really need you. could you give me signs? any signs will do. say it or by doing demo. i hate being clueless. i don't even know what are your feelings exactly. i don't know what to do. i don't know what else i can say. i lied to many peoples. i give them hopes. i always pity on someone cause i know what are their feelings. that's why i always end up getting hurt. i help people so i can get hurt. the pain is too much even for me to handle. i really can't do this anymore. please, please give me some sign. i hate you as much as i love you. maybe more. i hate you more than i love you. yeapp, this is the best answer. i hate you cause on what implication you have towards me. i hate you cause i still can't forget about you.
you know when i was in plkn, i have dated a guy. everything went well except for my feelings. i felt like i've been forced into a film i don't want to. everything is not right. like i have forgotten something important. the uneasiness feeling haunted me for weeks. even he noticed my eschew. i could not help it. he often asked me why i don't treat hi like any other couple treat her bf. i couldn't answer that. i froze.. i also search for the answer. i always thought that at that time, i have over you. it make me rethink my decision. then when the news reach hisyam, he couldn't help but ask me; have i forgot all about you? and at that time, i knew what i must do. i really couldn't be with someone else when all i think about is you right? so i broke up with him and here i am.. stupid and ignorance to the truth. that you don't even like me. hahahahahaha. such a twist the fate had present us with. twisted fate and gambling happiness. yeapp, i gamble for my happiness. you won't know about it cause your not the one who experience it. you, who don't have nothing to lose. i gamble for a little bit of sun in a cloudy day while you just sat there and ignore me. yeahh, keep that attitude.
when you texted me while i'm in plkn, it was the greatest moment in my life:) its like all of my previous birthday being celebrated together. do you even realize that it was the longest conversation we'd ever have in these 2 and a half years? you don't know right? ohh yeahh, it cause im the only one who is counting. its okay. you keep your attitude and i'll keep my feelings. deal right? i really like you. i hope that one day you'd be able to read this. you'll know to whom do i direct my words when you read this. i already love you back then, so what the difference will it make for this time?
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