and so it went..

this is the only place that i know no one will ever bother me. fuhh, happy at last. well, if i can say laa. happy.  forgot already how to be happy. i miss my cheerful, glee attitude. hahaha. crazy much? i know. that's why i say i'm crazy. loony poppy. haha. oke. cut the crap. am trying to act cheerful while i write this entree. i don't have any topic. i'm a dead person. well, i just want to let everyone know that i miss them so much. all my 0711 friends. my batch mate. what a weird feelings i got here when i see their status in facebook not longer limited to 0711. what i mean is they have moved on. while i'm the only one left. everyone has met new friends. everyone. they have met new friend. i'm possessive. now i know. i don't like them to move on. i don't like them to befriend with someone else. but heyy, time change right? so do i. eventually i would change also. huhh, what a silly weird feeling i have here. :'( and i am compelled to write this here. i wish my life is a song. cause song they never die. i could write for years and years. but my life wasn't a song. it don't even have a fairy tale start and i know it won't end in a happily-ever-after ending. i'm depressed. i'm depressed. my voice is quivering. i want you. i need you. i really need you. could you give me signs? any signs will do. say it or by doing demo. i hate being clueless. i don't even know what are your feelings exactly. i don't know what to do. i don't know what else i can say. i lied to many peoples. i give them hopes. i always pity on someone cause i know what are their feelings. that's why i always end up getting hurt. i help people so i can get hurt. the pain is too much even for me to handle. i really can't do this anymore. please, please give me some sign. i hate you as much as i love you. maybe more. i hate you more than i love you. yeapp, this is the best answer. i hate you cause on what implication you have towards me. i hate you cause i still can't forget about you.



you know when i was in plkn, i have dated a guy. everything went well except for my feelings. i felt like i've been forced into a film i don't want to. everything is not right. like i have forgotten something important. the uneasiness feeling haunted me for weeks. even he noticed my eschew. i could not help it. he often asked me why i don't treat hi like any other couple treat her bf. i couldn't answer that. i froze.. i also search for the answer. i always thought that at that time, i have over you. it make me rethink my decision. then when the news reach hisyam, he couldn't help but ask me; have i forgot all about you? and at that time, i knew what i must do. i really couldn't be with someone else when all i think about is you right? so i broke up with him and here i am.. stupid and ignorance to the truth. that you don't even like me. hahahahahaha. such a twist the fate had present us with. twisted fate and gambling happiness. yeapp, i gamble for my happiness. you won't know about it cause your not the one who experience it. you, who don't have nothing to lose. i gamble for a little bit of sun in a cloudy day while you just sat there and ignore me. yeahh, keep that attitude.


when you texted me while i'm in plkn, it was the greatest moment in my life:) its like all of my previous birthday being celebrated together. do you even realize that it was the longest conversation we'd ever have in these 2 and a half years? you don't know right? ohh yeahh, it cause im the only one who is counting. its okay. you keep your attitude and i'll keep my feelings. deal right? i really like you. i hope that one day you'd be able to read this. you'll know to whom do i direct my words when you read this. i already love you back then, so what the difference will it make for this time?

the last song ever.

I wish my life was this song 
Cause songs they never die 
I could write for years and years 
And never have to cry


I'd show you how I feel 
Without saying a word 
I could wrap up both our hearts 
I know it sounds absurd 

And i saw the tears on your face 
I shot you down
And i slammed the door 
But couldn't make a sound 


So please stay sweet my dear 
Don't hate me now 
I cant tell how 
This last song ends 

The way that i feel tonight 
So down, so down
I pray i can swim just so i wont drown 
And the waves that crash over me


I am gasping for air 
Take my hand so i can breath
As i write 
This last song down 

And i saw the tears on your face 
I shot you down 
And i slammed the door 
But couldn't make a sound 


So please stay sweet my dear 
Don't hate me now 
I cant tell how
This last song ends 

The broken glass 
Your moistened skin 
Was everything
Was everything 

And your broken voice 
Was quivering 
Your everything 
Your everything 

Scream at me
Make it the best i ever heard 
Laugh out loud 
I know it sounds absurd 

Scream at me 
Make it the best i ever heard 
Your everything
Your everything 

Heart beats slowing
Pains are growing 
Does she love you
That's worth knowing 

Heart beats slowing
Pains are growing 
Does she love you 
That's worth knowing 

people with extraordinary talent to make me laugh. Part 1

heyy, im back! so here's the info.

IZMA ROIIFAH ROSLI, is a petite and cheerful young lady if i may say so.. i met her officially for the first time at koperasi sm sains sabah. its the first time for her to go to the boarding school. as i am also. i talk with her in the koperasi and the next day we know, we have been placed in the same class. form 4 Epsilon. yeapp, thats our class. at the beginning of our friendship, she was quiet and coy. she only talk to me as i am her only friend at that time.. mind you, when i say shy.. i really mean it.:) she is a bright student and have a brighter future lies ahead. i believe one day she's gonna be in the television. i pray for you izma, pray for me as well ok? i love you!! <3

i love you but it hurts.

what would you do if someone tell you they love you?

       as for me, i sigh. not because i am popular or what, i mean heyy, your talking about me       right? i am far from being popular. i sigh because im going to lose another friend. i sigh because im hurt. no one really know im hurt. every guy that i decline (i know what your thinking.. that "every guy" doesn't apply to many guy. in fact, its just three. and the third has declare his love just about when im writing this post.) had cut all type of contacts with me. mobile phone and via fb. how depressing is that? see, this is the reason why i don't want to involve in a relationship. i guess i am the only one that god create without company. astaghfirullahalazim. what am i saying?? sorry for my rash thought. i shouldn't think like that:( hahahahaha. oke, we move to a lighter topic: my besties~ i promise you to give their bio rite? so, i present you, PEOPLE WITH EXTRAORDINARY TALENT TO MAKE ME LAUGH:) Part 1. see the next post!

and so i rambling.. :)

i hve about 2 months before i enroll in Unikl MIAT. and what is that if you may ask; That my dear friend, is the University Kuala Lumpur Malaysian Institute Of Aviation Technology. grand isn't it? its name alone make me shudder with wild assumption and not to forget scared thought. hahahaha. im taking Diploma in Aircraft Maintenance Technology (avionics). for almost ten years i study in science stream. i dedicated all my life to become a doctor. or else something related to the career. alas, it turned out god have prepared something much better for me. something that HE trusted me to handle. yeapp, i don't achieve a really good results, sure HE have planned my journey well. i trusted HIM. i always have. :D

yet, as the clock ticks, i myself cannot fathom the thought of nervousness and lack of confidence in myself. what if i cannot perform well? what if i have problems with the subjects? as you perfectly know, i would study to become an aircraft maintenance. an engineer in aircraft!! its not a popular job prospect for women you know? the percentage of women admission in that university is 3:30. i have checked that. believe me. so what if i am the only girl in my class? and how on earth am i going to cope with that for the coming 3 whole years? my mind is full with what if this, what if that, etc.. god help me. i beg you!

another disastrous thought, enough to make you jump in your car, drive to the nearest cliff and jump to your death. the orientation week or minggu silaturahim as they named it there. the seniors woud bully their junior. its a tradition. heyy, it happened everywhere. not just in Malaysia.. yeahh. but im happy cause when i checked online, the students did not mention anything about bully in Unikl. well, thats a good news. at least i don't have to suffer. i really cannot stand the activities. whatever it is. i am not design to that i suppose. :p i have paper thin of endurance. hahaha. oke, nextt!!

well, i hope this litte extract will give you lights on what am i going to write after this..
              “Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
              "Yes, Piglet?"
               "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you.” 
                A.A Milne, Winnie The Pooh
and this also,
                “We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet.
                 Even longer,' Pooh answered.”

                 A.A Milne, Winnie The Pooh 

so now you know right?

yeapp, its about friends. i make many friends as i lived. we will always meet new people no matter where we are and what we're doing. i have lots of friends. tons actually, if the not-really-best-of-friend is counted. yeah, i love making friends. in fact lots of them are my bestest of friend ever. Izma Roiifah Rosli, Dyg Nuru Syuhada Ag Saripuddin, Rosmawati Dora, Nur Syazana Anuar Hamdan, Tiara Fatin Nasip, Aqilah Bazlah Md Rasid, Siti Faidatul Ramos, Siti Nurfadilah Jaini, Fadzliah Brahim, Nur Farahin Saapilin, Nas Feriza Nasir, Dyg Kamilah Syazwani, Nur Hamidah Basrin, Nur Syazana Sainal, Imelda Flora Juliti, Siti Debitha Dawinda Bairi, Azirah Nordin, Suriana Sunario, Nur Qufareha Raipin, Vivian Selamat and Bibie Marnie Durin. these all are my tears when i cry, laughter whenever im happy and become my punching bag if i turning hulk. haha. i love them. sure i going to miss them. whatever you do good luck and don't forget, i miss you! :) the reason why i write their full name is because i don't want to forget it. i got an old habit of forgetting something important. this is important for me. old habit die hard. so in the next post im going to write a brief biodata about them. from my personal view. from my two whole years experience befriend with them. so, until then. <3 and ohh, i still love him y'know? that afad. haihh. that too, my dear friend, old feelings die hard.

bila aku mula berbicara.

relatively speaking, or typing -in my case now, i would like to spill all my words here. of course i can right, not that anyone can read my no-nonsense blog here. heyy, im not one of those shining stars or what-so-ever IN the popular group to get people attention nor affection. hahahaha, see  what i mean? im rambling. no point in talking. wheww~ im out of idea ==' out peeps<3

RUN - SNOW PATROL

I'll sing it one last time for you

Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak, I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak, I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower, slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart, my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear

currently im addicted to this:) remind me of him. remind me of those 2 years we spent together. not like it was together, really together. it is more to one-sided love though. Unrequited love. such a pain i carry for 

most of my senior year. Yeah, but hey, i can handle that.. :D okay, the truth is, i miss him. like, really miss him.. im happy to see his picture on my friend list on my profile. guess im crazy at all. i love him. je t'aime

after taking a very nonsense-long-break-from-busying-myself-over-study,


well,
see who's in the house??

its me laa.

poppy<3

i've been studying fr my spm. then i went to plkn. then i go out from plkn, i went to retrieved my spm result. my result could have been more better cuhs i only got 5a. magoddd!! 5a. hahaahhahaha. yet im very grateful for this result. i know you hve stored something more special in-house for me, right lord? *winkwink






well, i guess thats it for now..


but i promise you. i am going to be active in blogging once more.. hahaahhaha. now that i have no commitment with study and whatsoever nonsense.. hahahaahaha.




lastly, oke. blank. later then<3